This is what I love the most on this earth....
My daughters. I loved them before they were even born. The second I saw them and looked into there eyes. My life was completely changed. I never experienced a greater love.
My oldest Chenise is 18 now. Technicly she is an adult, she has been like an adult sence she was little. about 2 years old. We were living in Hawaii. She would go to the Beach, the Pool and all over Oahu with her Auntie Joyce. She was some Toddler.

When Chamae was born Chenise was about 2 and a half years old. I never realized that my love could double I now have two of the most beautiful daughters. They were my World. I remember her uncles holding her up to the window of the nursery to see her new sister and taking her down the hall for popcicles.


When we drove home from the hospital Chenise found a penny on the floor board and proceeds to place said penny in her sisters mouth as if to ensure good luck with her new sibling. Both their father and I yell... "NO!" I think all four of us jumped. As I tell Chenise "Your sister is not a piggybank." the penny now safe in my hand.
I sigh relieved that no one was hurt.

They were my world, they still are. The day We told my daughters we were seperating my heart broke. I was loosing everything I held dear in the world. To see their heartbroken faces broke my heart. Chamae could only cry. Chenise was blaming herself. "I'll be good. I won't be bad anymore." If I could still assure them both that they are very good people, none of this is their fault. I just made bad choices.

Now Their Father recently got a job in a different state. Chamae will be moving out with him. Chenise will stay and finish out her senior year. In a house pretty much by herself. I think she has a friend that will move in with her. She is an Adult and I know she is capable. Chamae is going through a great move, she is changing her schooling lifestyle. from publicschool to homeschool.

Chenise 18, senior in Highschool, got her first job just a few short months ago. now to be living on her own. I was never alone untill I left my exhusband. at college I had roomates, on my mission I had a companion, I had roomates and eventually a husband.

I don't want to boil over my past, and the mistakes I made. I would change them in a heartbeat if I could. I went through the whole repentance process constantly. I even came to a point where I finally forgave myself. I always end up forgiving myself last.

I know that if it werent for me this would not be happening. If I never left. If I would have never gotten sick and unable to take care of myself. My brother would not have had to move me to Alabama. He saved my life. and my heart broke again.

My heart is breaking again. I think I know a bit of how Heavenly Father feels about his children, how much he loves us. and how much it hurt when he knew that we would have to go through so much pain in this earthlife. Because of our sin we get even further from him. I know that he wept over us.

The love that he had for us to offer his only begotten son, to suffer, bleed and die for us. The love my savior had to offer his life for us.

I may not be required to lay down my life. but I will take it up.
I will do what I can to live my life the way My Savior Jesus Christ lived his life.

I know and understand more and more the love God and Jesus have for me.